Finding a “Real Man” in a relationship

Dating in today’s world has changed and many clients come to Valenti Matchmaking in order to find a true partner. Many ladies who take part in out in depth process tell us that they are looking for a “real man.” But how each person defines that can be as individual as each person.

The stereotypical character of a “real man” used to be a large, strong and brash guy who cared more about his absolute freedom above everything else. Rugged good looks are no doubt appealing, but there are more important things to consider when looking for love.  In our more enlightened world, a real man is much more nuanced and complex. Years ago, the aspiration was not to be just a man but “a gentleman.” Etiquette and classic styles are being seen less and less in today’s dating landscape. While some people look at the manners and formality of world like Downton Abbey as almost comical, the impressions that we internalize about ladies and gentlemen with grace and dignity still influence expectations in modern romantic relationships. Simple gestures like letting the lady order first at dinner or opening the door for her send the message that the a gentleman respects and honors the lady.  It sets a stage for the gentleman to feel more masculine and the lady more feminine. This does not take away from the equality or the individuality that men and woman have in todays’ world. It underlines that your relationship is something special and needs to be treated with respect and love. While there are different phases of any relationship, the extra displays of respect and affection that happen during courtship do not have to stop there. A lasting, quality relationship is strengthened by these classic “gentlemanly ways.” Such behaviors are called traditional for a reason, as they have stood the test of time. 

Happy fatherhood is also something is now viewed as a sign of someone who is a “real man.” Parenting is something that is enhanced when both parents are active and loving participants. Many women report that it is amazingly sexy when a man loves being a loving parent. When someone is a dedicated parent, they place the needs and desires of their child first. They will do all they can to be sure that their child has the best possible life. It is also easy to see why a man who lives and breathes this will be seen at very attractive and healthy. Moving beyond ego and caring for others can also be a hallmark of a modern man.

Being a good communicator is also now being seen as a mark of a true adult man. The outdated model of the stoic, silent cowboy may look good on film but in reality a happy and healthy relationship needs both partners who are brave enough to talk about their feelings. Talking about hopes, dreams and opinions are attributes that everyone respects and recognize as key factors in a healthy relationship. But ladies especially treasure the man who can be confident and strong, but also accepting and open hearted. These are no longer mutually exclusive.